Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I Heart Chickens

So we didn't make it to the football game. The weather was too iffy and  I refused to sit in bleacher seats so we watched the game at my brother's place and had cake and ice cream for dinner. I also had cake for breakfast this morning becuase I thought I started at the gym this week. Turns out it's not until next week, so I'll be shovelling chocolately treats in as much as I can until the gym torture begins again. I hate the gym, but you'll hear more about that at a later date.

On Sunday I met BC for coffee and umbrella shopping before we found a bench to watch the Pride parade. BF decided to stay home and study which was probably for he best since half naked guys dancing on a float to Britney Spears isn't really how he likes to spend a Sunday afternoon...
Things at the parade started out a little shaky when I was getting hit on by more men than BC (see how I clarified it was by men? I wasn't wearing my lesbian shoes for a reason this weekend!) but the tides turned and BC didn't end up having to throw me in a puddle or light a fire for attention. Crisis averted. There was also a fake mustache club...this caught me by surprise because I've wanted to have a  fake mustache party for over a year now - except I don't want to do the same things that these ladies do. Feel free to google it.

So after the parade we made our way down to Olympic Plaza to check out the after parade party and inadvertently ended up IN the parade at one point...but I was just looking for more candy. As we're wandering around we come to a t-shirt booth and I stop, stare and am thoroughly confused at a shirt something like the this (ps - google now thinks I'm a gay man after searching that):

"I *heart* chicken" What? I love chicken but I don't need a shirt advertising it. And what does this have to do with the gays? I don't get it. Wait...chickens...roosters..cock...OMG that's a dirty shirt! I giggled to myself because I'm immature and then laugh at my stupidity. Next year I really think BC needs his own parade float - he could have all of his fag hags with him (he has a harem), Bella (my sister's Chihuahua, not that vampire girl from the stupid movies) could have some sort of a rainbow bed and I'm sure my brother would dress up in drag just for good measure. We need to make this happen people! Oh, BF could drive the truck - there were lots of straight guys driving the trucks/floats because you know that had to be left to either them or the lesbos.

Now, the rest of the weekend was covered by spending time with BF and dog sitting for my neighbor. Turns out, I am NOT a dog person and waking up early on weekends to feed and walk the dog are not my thing. I like to sleep in, make bacon and have naps. I don't like picking up poop, stinky dog breath and dogs who swat my zucchini bread off the counter and eat the whole damn loaf! Dog's mom comes back tonight so my dog sitting days are over.

I'm not sure what's going on this week other than this stupid wedding - some friends of ours are getting married on Saturday and probably divorced on Sunday. This could be a complete gong show so I'll report back if it is, otherwise I'll let you know if I win the divorce pool. They also just decided that it is going to be a toonie bar. Like just decided this week. You can't do that, you have to put that shit on the invitation! I realize $2 is not a big deal, but when you can afford a $40,000 golf membership you can damn well pay for drinks for 60 people at your wedding. Cheap people suck! Out of principal I refuse to spend any money at this shit fiesta so I hope my brother brings a pocket full of toonies to cover me!

I feel like a slurpee. Later skaters!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Pioneers and Rainbows

It's long weekend Friday and I can barely wait until 430pm. Yes, I do work at home and no one would really know whether I cut out early or not, but inevitably if I leave at 4:28 then some panicked client will call at 4:29 and rip me a new asshole. I swear my clients are the only ones who are ever around on long weekends and during Stampede.

So what is everyone doing this weekend? I'm dog sitting for my neighbor so we're staying in town and if the weather is decent (decent meaning not pouring rain and windy) then I want to got to Heritage Park and reminisce about the good ole days of pioneer life - and be thankful I never had to strap a plow to my back and hoe the land. I never would have survived in the olden days - no Starbucks? No feather beds? No M&M's? No doubt I would be the weakest link and be found in a heap of cocoa trying to figure out how to turn into a chocolate bar when I should have been kneading bread or churning butter.

Did I tell you my parents moved back here? I can't remember if I did or not. Anyway, they bought a house in Okotoks and will be living here in the summer and winters in Texas (they have a house there as well). My mother thinks that family dinner once a week is a necessity - I'm not that much into my family and twice a year would suit me fine. So far I've seen them 4 times in 2 weeks - good compromise. Sunday dinner will be at my parents place because as BF puts is "who are we to turn down a free meal when we're poor?". Can't argue that. I'll tell you about my poor ass and my cheap living ways next week. Dide you know you can use 1 ply paper towel as a coffee filter?

My bud spud BC reminded me last night that it is Pride weekend in Calgary and that his people would be taking over the city. I think it was more of a warning to keep BF out of downtown and away from the parade on Sunday. BF is still pretty homophobic (he grew up one of three boys in a small town, what do you expect?) but over the last year he has really lightened up and what started as a tolerance of BC as one of my friends has grown into a genuine friendship with him for which I am thrilled because BC is a very good friend to me, rainbows and all!

Speaking of pride, the very first summer I moved here I spent pride Sunday with a couple of my gaybot friends from Lethbridge who had also moved here and the bar we went to (I want to say Boyztown but I'm really not sure) was a riot! There were drag queens everywhere and this one guy kept hitting on me all night thinking I was one, and no, I was not offended in the least. Those queens put in a lot of prep time and look damn good - all I had was long bleached blond straight hair, real boobs and a sparkle shirt.

Monday is the Labour Day Classic football game which we'll be going to with Tabby. She'll get drunk at yell at me (as usual) and I will try not to get in a fight on the train home. This will be my last football game of the year unless we get an Indian summer - I am not a super fan who bundles up in 20 layers of clothes to watch men in tight pants chase a ball around. I will, however, watch Grey Cup at a bar with lots of  Jager if the Stamps make it that far.

Ok, so that is what I have lined up for the long weekend - hope everyone has a good (and safe) one and I'll let you know how it all ends up.