Sunday, August 29, 2010

Scald Warning

I had a conference in Lake Louise last week. Rooms at the Chateau were $350/night and up (for a shoebox and no lake view) so I booked at the Deer Lodge which is a 5 min walk down the road and a fraction of the price. I figured by saving $1000 I was a genius but as per usual I was bitch slapped by reality again.
First of all, let me just say that the service at the Deer Lodge is second to none. All of the staff I encountered where genuinely over the top friendly and could teach the staff at the Chateau a thing or two. So I get to my room, which is about 12x12ft and has 2 twin beds. I knew I was getting a twin bed but when I saw it I knew it was going to be a problem because I like to twist, turn and thrash all night and this bed was not going to cut it. I did consider pushing the two beds together but apparently the one upgrade that this place has ever done it so install permanent box bottoms for the beds.
I go into the bathroom to get my paint and primer set up and notice a sign on the sink that says "Scald Warning: We recommend that when using the shower you do not use the sink or the toilet at the same time". Have I stepped into 1945? And how does one get warm water in the sink when the hot and cold taps are separate? At this point I started to panic because this is getting to be too much like camping. And I hate camping.
Since I had the gala and stuff up at the Chateau I didn't realize how "rustic" this place was, but when I got back to the room and got into bed the trouble really started. First, the water from every room ran through the pipes in my room. Then I could hear some couple arguing about what time to get up in the morning. And then the thump thump thump slam! noises of people walking up and down the halls and slamming their doors shut - on all 3 floors. It's 1230, I get up and try to cover the 2 inch gap at the bottom of the door with my suitcase. This will stop the hallway light from coming in and keep out all noise, right?
Stomp stomp stomp slam! beep beep, beep beep (blackberry message on someone's phone likely 6 or 7 rooms away). I'm tossing and turning in my tiny bed watching the time click by until 615 when the people above me decide it's time to get up and have a clogging competition.
Same thing happens the next night and by day 3 I can barely keep my eyes open because of this place which I have decided must be an over priced hostel. Did I mention there were 2 pianos that guests are welcome to play? And that there were many, many guests that took the opportunity to entertain the masses?
When I got home I reralized the true error my ways - I should have gotten smash faced every night and slept in a canoe.

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